Hi, Chris!

Enjoyed inking these!!!...We are a good team on the monster stuff. Looking forward to doing more --

Dick

Terrific pencilling, Chris! I enjoyed every stroke with my #3 brush!

…Darlin’ Dick

Hello, Chris!

Mighty fine pencilling! I enjoyed every panel -- Hope it shows!

...Bestest, Dick

H'lo, Chris.

Rcvd the pencilled 5 pgr and am enjoying inking it. I will probably have it in the mail Monday. I rank you right up there with the so-called king. Just have to get you to be a little more dramatic. Inking-wise my brush and pen are adapting to your pencils very well. Dick**

/Thanks from the bottom of our hearts for all the great inks and moral support, Dick! It wouldn’t have been the same without you! Now on to some more REAL letters FROM ACTUAL PEOPLE WHO REALLY EXIST!/

From: Paul Yturriago

Subject: Toilet Literature

In the best sense of course. I will put this weekly mag in the can right next to the latest Guitar Player magazine… This is truly the best place to catsup on my reading and regain my center.

… i couldn't find your secret message... perhaps i is too dumb… tim

/You isn’t too dumb, Tim! Just a little slow! Most Americans are statistically at least twice as dumb as you are! Is! Simply go to the title page of our website, use your mouse to click below the cover image, and keep the button held until you’ve scrolled to the very bottom of the page! When you release the button, Tabloia’s SECRET MESSAGE for EXTRA-SPECIAL FANS will MAGICALLY APPEAR!/

Drive Thousands of Customers to Your Internet Office! Sale! 75% off!

…Increase your share of free Web traffic. Be smarter than most of your competitors who underestimate the power of search engine promotion… Order one of our promotional service today!

Phil Walker
Marketing Executive

/Thank you for writing to Tabloia Weekly Magazine, Phil! We truly appreciate any correspondence from our fans! That's why we make a point to personally respond to as many emails as possible, including yours! Our first issue will be in stores this July! We hope you will rush down to your local comic shop and ask them to order you a copy! You can find it in this month's Previews catalogue, under our company name, "Salt Peter Press"! And thanks again for your interest in our book! Signed, Rob Oder editor-in-chief Salt Peter Press Proud Publisher of Tabloia Weekly Magazine Tell your friends to visit Tabloia.com today!/

Drive Thousands of Customers to Your Internet Office

…Increase your share of free Web traffic. Be smarter than most of your competitors who underestimate the power of search engine promotion… Order one of our promotional service today!

Lauren Leach
Marketing Executive

/ / /Thank you for writing to Tabloia Weekly Magazine, Lauren! We hope you'll tell all your friends to visit Tabloia.com today! We recently received an email from Phil Walker, and his letter was identical with every word you said in your letter! Isn't that an amazing coincidence! Do you know him? He seems like a nice guy! We hate to say it, but you seem like a copycat! Please let Phil know his friends at Tabloia said hello! And thanks again for your interest in our book! Signed, Rob Oder editor-in-chief Salt Peter Press Proud Publisher of Tabloia Weekly Magazine/

Wiz,

It’s interesting to see the pictures you’ve drawn…I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I’m off to protect lives and property.

Detective David Stevenson

This is the most offensive trash I have ever seen…

Love,
Gedge Knopf

Dr. Pardi,

I am a little confused as to the reproductive habits of the pod people. Is it the actual pods that reproduce, or do pod people reproduce thus producing more pods, or do pod people reproduce thus producing more pod people? A little help here… -Dr. Miles Bennell

------------------------------------------------------------------------ The information contained in this message is confidential and may be legally privileged. Views or opinions expressed in this message are those of the author only. This message and attachment if any have been scanned for virus and dangerous content by NAI GroupShield and is clean. /Thanks for writing in, Dr. Miles Bennell! Rest assured that Professor Pardi is looking into the facts surrounding your question at this very moment, even though he usually only focuses on FACTUAL sexual behavior of REAL BIOLOGICAL CREATURES, and not FICTIONAL BULLSHIT! He has watched the original (1955) and Donald Sutherland (1978) versions, and is currently pondering whether he should bother with the latest (1993) remake before weighing in his answer, which he hopes to have soon! Keep reading! Rob Oder Salt Peter Press Proud Publisher of Tabloia Weekly Magazine!///

Chris, Glad to see you’re earning an honest living…

Tom Evans

Subject: Non Human Question

There is a non human troll who calls himself "The Amazing Randi " he has never been known to have ever had any romantic affairs with a female. My question, is this normal for trolls, or is there a much darker reason lurking ? Thank you, a pseudo intellectual and pseudo skeptic named Michael Shermer sent me to you.......Bill Perron

/ / /Thanks for coming to Tabloia, the world’s pre-eminent “reliable knowledge source,” in seeking answers to this common question, Bill! This is indeed fairly normal behavior for trolls, although we question this kind of behavior from virile, manly “Amazing Randis!” Say hi to Dr. DeBunko’s skeptic idols, Michael Shermer and James Randi!/

I want a subscription! I want a subscription for my kids! I don't even know want a "local comic book store" might be. I am going to take Tango lessons.

Warmly, Mommy Sarah
Sarah Hendrickson, M.D. Lane County Public Health Officer

/It’s great to hear from you, Mommy! We’ve asked everyone at the office, and we’re becoming more and more convinced you’re not the biological mother of anyone here! But know that when you pick up the subscription for your kids, “Tabloia Weekly Magazine” contains only the cleanest, any-ages-appropriate subject matter and material in the market of tabloid comics journalism today, including swear-words, violence, and a dog humping a blanket! Enjoy your Tango lessons!/

Just read your web page right now. It seems to me that saltpeter is one word, also known as potassium nitrate... (???) or did you already know this?

AOZ

/You’re absolutely right, AOZ! Sodium nitrate, actually! Also known as niter! It is a prime ingredient in gunpowder! Additionally, it used to be force-fed to prisoners or incarcerated lunatics in insane asylums, because it prevents erections! Which brings us to our next letter…/

Good day!

We would like to present new product - C.I.A.L.I.S. - Fuller and harder erection - Works in less than 15 minutes - Longer effects and less side effects…

Sincerely,
Carrie Adkins

We ship almost to all countries!

/Thanks for the hot tip, Carrie! Pick up the latest issue of Tabloia at your local comics specialty shop!/

SPLUHH SCROHTU VULVOO POOGOO BUNGOO SPANKO FUGGABLUH …

By the way, I passed a van that had the company name Splung (or something like that) and thought of you.

P.S. Could you do me a favor and stop by Downtown Plaza and see if that hostess is 18 yet? Thanks a bungoo!

*Dan Hart*
Revenue Accountant

Chris:

Until I make an appearance on The Simpsons, your honoring me in your comic book is just about the coolest thing anyone has done to honor me and my work. I can't tell you how proud I am of this. Thank you. And, yes, be sure to send me a copy--no, a batch of copies so I can spread the wealth--when that issue is published. Your work is another step in the right direction of making the world a saner and safer place to be.

Michael Shermer

/For those of you obtuse, illiterate fear-mongers who aren’t familiar with Michael Shermer, PH.D., read “How We Believe: The Search for God in an Age of Science,” and “Why People Believe Weird Things”! Then visit the important website, www.skeptic.com!/

Hello, Again!

I like spreading Joy!

:) Michael (Kaluta), thinking hard about Giant Monsters in Diapers...

Chris,

Kory brought a copy of your comic to the Police Department today – It looks great! I started reading it, but kept getting sent to save lives and/or property. I do like the reference to Sgt. David Stevenson at the bottom of the page! You rock! I’m going to buy a couple of copies…

David Stevenson

/Sgt. Dave really does save lives and property, fans! He was a key source for our serial, “The Lump”! And he’s a real person! –Rob!/

Top of Form

CAPITAL LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL
AV5 CASTILLA - 28009- MADRID SPAIN.
Ref. Number: 632/001/3001
Batch Number: 400001429-AK446
Sir/Madam,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International programs held on the 8th December,2003.
Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 370982217413-7240 with serial number 4708-325 drew lucky numbers 2-34-28-13-41 which consequently won in the 7th category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay of US$3.5,000.000 ( Three million five hundred thousand United States Dollar CONGRATULATIONS!!! Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 company and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This promotional program takes place every three year. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by Ted Turner,Jesse Jackson,Ken Evoy,and Bill Gates, President of the World Largest software, we hope with part of your winning you will take part in our next year USD50 million international lottery. To file for your claim, please contact our fiducial agent MR STEVE MARTINS, of the CAPITAL LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL at euro_promolottery1@zwallet.com. I shall forward your mail to him for necessary action. Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 25th AUGUST 2004. After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

Sincerely yours,
MRS Mary Howard(MS.)
Lottery Coordinator

/Thanks and wow from Tabloia, Mary! This is all such great news! What a freak coincidence, because all week we were saying, “You know what we could use, more than anything else? 3.5 million dollars!” We’re so certain this isn’t a scam, we just quit our job, sent you all our private info, including bank account and credit card numbers, pin-numbers, and social security numbers, and then we took out a loan for 3.4 million dollars! That should last us until your check arrives! And Mary, we hope you’ll pick up the latest issue of Tabloia, because it’s in stores now!/

Chris --

Just got the Doris Danger mag. A fantastic hoot, even on a quick skim-through! Great pin-ups, too...

Best -- Dave (Gibbons)

From: backissues@milehighcomics.com

Subject: Rejection of Order

This message is to let you know that we are no longer accepting your orders, including your order of 09/11/04.

MileHighComics.com

/Thanks for writing in, Mr. Comics.com! Keep selling those signed issues of Tabloia!/ / /

/Let’s take a quick look at what Tabloia fan Tim Bradstreet had to say about the book!/

…Dude, you know I love the magazine and think it rocks…

Tim

…Mmm, monsters ;)

TB

/Here’s a treat! After Tabloia’s tie-wearing grunt Chris Wisnia and his wife Elizabeth approached the legendary Steranko about a monster pin-up, an agreement couldn’t be made, so Chris later sent an apologetic email. The esteemed Mr. Steranko dropped Tabloia a reply letter:/ / /

Chris:

Good to hear from you, although I have to mop up around the computer because of the profuse weeping.

You introduced Elizabeth as "the girl of my dreams," to which I replied, "Well, rumor has it you sleep on a lumpy mattress!" Dreams! Mattress! Get it!!!

Jim

PS: She's beautiful!

PPS: Lose the ties!

…I could tell Tabloia had really won me over when I found out there wouldn't be any more of it until December and I got all pissed…I am eagerly awaiting #574 (and, fuck, lemmetellya, do I have a LOT of back issues to track down!)…

Take care,
Matthew Wanderski

Chris!

Sorry I never wrote you back, but I got busy. “Busy” is a euphemism, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Woah – ho- ho! Yes. Anyway, I finally picked up issues 2 and 3 of Tabloia today… Please don’t kill off Dr Debunko and have him return as a ghost. I haven’t read 2 and 3 yet…so I hope you didn’t do that in either of those issues, but I have to say that killing Dr Debunko and having him return as a ghost would defeat the purpose of Dr Debunko, unless you are going for some kind of supreme irony. Anyway, that is my two cents about issues 2 and 3, without having actually read them yet.

Ever upward!

Ricky Sprague

From: Richard K. Lee

Subject: Viagra - erection in 15 minutes

Hard & stable erections
Long effects duration
Discreet delivery
No prescription asked

/Thanks for thinking of us, Richard! Tell your friends to visit Tabloia.com today! And when you’re done sending out all those emails, rush down to your local comics shop and ask them to order you a copy of Tabloia! / / Signed, Rob Oder editor-in-chief Salt Peter Press Proud Publisher of Tabloia Weekly Magazine/ // /

Chris,

…I finally got a chance to read [Tabloia]. Not bad. The art is a little crude. I know you are trying to emulate the old monster comics, but they had better art…

Tim
Cold Cut Comics Distribution

Hi Chris,

…Yer book looks like a buttload o' fun!...

Matt Wagner

I read issue number 2 of Tabloia, which was pretty cool, I obviously enjoyed the references to the great subgenre of stories about menacing limbs (have you ever seen the movie “Santa Sangre,” by the way?). I think “Body Parts” was based on the great novel (one of my all-time favorites and one of several inspirations for my own as yet unpubbed first novel) published in English speaking countries as “Choice Cuts” by Pierre Boileau, Thomas Narcejac, about a man who is sentenced to die, who volunteers to be part of an extensive body-donation experiment. Someone gets an arm, someone else another arm, one a leg, another the other leg, someone else gets his head (!). The man who gets the killer’s left leg becomes jealous of the woman who gets his right leg, and starts dating her so he can be close to it. It’s a pretty wacky novel, actually, but I haven’t seen “Body Parts.” Boileau and Narcejac wrote the stories and scenarios that became some really terrific movies, including Diabolique, Eyes Without a Face, and Vertigo, but you probably knew that. “Mad Love” with Peter Lorre is one of the best movies ever made, unfortunately not available on dvd, at least not that I can find. That original story was written by another Frenchman, Maurice Renard, Les Mains d'Orlac (“The Hands of Orlac”), which has been out of print in America and England since maybe 1980 or something. Difficult to find. The French love stories about limb transplants!

Ricky Sprague

/ / /When the fantastic Mike Mignola sent a pin-up to Tabloia’s offices, and Tabloia hack Chris Wisnia wrote back some gushing praise and requests for art tips, Mike had this to say!/

Chris....

Glad you liked it. And,yes, If it were colored I think Gungdoom would be red. As to how I do it.....Most of the time I can't. Lots of erasing. There you go.......

MIke M

/Everyone out there has been asking how Tabloia has gotten so many great pin-ups from so many great artists! Simple! We contact every artist we can hunt down, and tell them how great we think they are, and beg them shamelessly until they're embarrassed for us, and hope their wills give in before ours do. For example, would Tim Sale like to do a monster pin-up for Tabloia?/

Chris-- My schedule sucks, sorry. I always have interest, just no time.

Good luck!
Tim

/ / /What about Mike Zeck?/

Hi Chris

Thanks for the thumbs up on my work, and for your interest. I did link over to the Tabloia site, and it looks like a fun publication for both contributors and readers. A Kirby giant monster illo sounds interesting, but unfortunately I'm not in a position to add to my commissions list at this time… Continued good luck with the zine, and your own art pursuits,.. and thanks again for the positive comments.

Mike

/What if we keep bugging Tim Bradstreet?/

Chris baby.

Hey man, sorry to have been a bit out of touch. Just got back from my 7 month stint in Italy and then went home (to illinois) for an extended holiday visit. Back in the studio after 8 months and I'm so jammed it's silly. This monster pin-up is always in the back of my mind, meaning I'm always kinda of thinking what can I do? You know what I mean? I'm so not a monster guy. But I'm always trying to think of possibilities. Just keep in touch and we'll make it work eventually. Hopefully I'll have an idea by the next time I see you at the SD con.

Best

– Tim

/Well, he said to keep in touch, didn’t he? What if we we keep bugging Tim Bradstreet again?/

…Get to something like this when I can C. Right now I'm as swamped as a swamp monkey. Just keep in touch.

xoxo
– T

/We will, Tim! We will! And here’s your next reply:/

In an amendment to my letter dated 1.27.05 OK Cree (that’s what I call Chris’ that I like --Not the ‘OK’ part, the ‘Cree’ part . . .) Anyway. It should be stated for clarification that when I mentioned (in the aforementioned letter) that “I’m so not a monster guy”, I’m not suggesting that I don’t like monsters, nay. Only that it’s a challenge to draw them. And I’m talking big, nasty, monster type monsters like Godzilla, Mothra, a giant stone Golem, or for that matter even werewolves. It’s that photo ref thing you see. A lot of artists who do not admit to using photo ref call this dilemma “limitation” or “restriction of the media”, or simply a “lack of talent”. Petty technical jealousies aside, I call it plain laziness. You see normally I’d just do a little research and find out where the closest possible giant stone Golem was hanging out terrorizing some townspeople or villagers, but I’m lazy see? I mean everyone knows there are Werewolves in Bakersfield and even in El Centro, but who wants to go there, right? So you see my problem. I apologize if my earlier generalization was not totally clear. I write it off to sleep deprivation.

Now normally, if you were paying me a huge amount of money like those movie people who talked me into drawing a big poster for a Werewolf film, I’d somehow find the time or summon up the guts to drive up to Bakersfield for a clandestine photo op. And the bitch of it is you have to wait until the Lunar cycle is in full to make the trip, otherwise you’re just wasting your time talking to Native American medicine men and the occasional alleged witness to a sighting. So it’s true, money talks. But flattery and tenaciousness certainly has it’s upside. It just takes longer. Anyway stay in touch on this.

I may be doing a scout for Lion’s Gate for an upcoming Succubus thriller called “Dear Vlad”. I have a special relationship with the Vampires so maybe, just maybe I’ll have something for you soon.

Eternally yours – Tim / / / /